Happy Thanksgiving! ...Bye Bye Facebook

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I just ate way too much, even though I tried to keep the portions under control. I can't say no to yummy homemade apple pie! :) My parents and brother drove down to our apartment and brought all the food for our amazing meal. It was great! We then played Settlers after dinner and that was fun too, though we ran out of time. My brother had never played it before and he was super sleep deprived, so that was pretty amusing.

Anyway, I've decided it was time for me to leave the addicting world of facebook for a while, possibly for good. I have noticed just how much time I spend on facebook and how it's really taking away from time I need to spend off the computer in studying Scripture and in prayer. I know there are other things I can end up doing to waste time, but I felt completely convicted that facebook was getting in my way of my relationship with God and knew that I needed to be bold and get the obstacle out of the way. It was hard to do (yes, I cried), and I needed John's support to make the final decision, but yep, I did it! That's about it really... John and I are off to go for a walk and work off some of that yummy food.

I am horrible at keeping up with these blogs, so sorry for the few who actually read it. Actually, I think it might just be my sister (hi Jen!). She gets a bit annoyed when I commit to a new blog and don't follow through... understandable. Well let's see, since she pretty much keeps up with my life via phone or iChat, what else can I talk about. Well right now I'm spending the day relaxing after having a pretty rough last night and morning this morning. I had a horrible dream about John and it kept me from sleeping well which then made me feel yucky and have to miss a class and exam today. No fun I tell you. Especially those dreams. I've had really bad dreams about John off and on for a while now and it's troubling to me because I don't know what to do about it. Well, let me take that back. I think our dreams are often God's way of showing us something that is going on in our spirit- for example, if I am feeling unloved by John on a given day, I may dream that he doesn't love me... something like that. Of course, the dreams are never true and only show my fears and anxieties, they show the lies that I'm believing or holding onto. What makes it hard is that usually I feel I have gone past those lies or those fears through prayer individually and with my close friends. So, when dreams like what I dreamt last night happen, it makes me a little uneasy again and doubt my progress in overcoming those lies. I also struggle with seeing the dreams as simply works of the devil or as God's way of showing me something. I don't like separating those two really because God is sovereign over ALL, even the works of the devil. He has a purpose in everything that we think, do, say, etc. So I think sometimes he lets us dream those horrible dreams to try and tell us something. It's so easy to just blow it off like it meant nothing, but when it keeps me up all night and really freaks me out to the point of crying, I can't just pass it off too easily. More than anything, I think these dreams are good reminder to always be in prayer to God about my anxieties, my fears, my worries, and to rest them on Him and not myself. And also, to not only be in prayer when my anxieties come to a peak but at all times, and God will give me peace that will surpass my understanding... now that is the only way to bring a resolve to this season in my life. Prayer... repentence.... more prayer... brings grace, joy, peace, and understanding. Amen.

Married!

Yep, John and I are now married!! Wooooo! It's amazing! We have a lot of sorting and settling in to do though, and changing my name is not fun (so many phone calls, so many errands)... so speaking of that, I gotta get back to the apartment to get things put away. Love you all!! :)

Lesson Learned

The other day, I learned (or I should say, re-learned) a very important lesson. After feeling super anxious, stressed, and just plain grumpy while hanging out with John one night, he took my hand, brought me to the couch, and asked me what was so wrong that I was acting so strange. I broke down, felt horrible for my attitude that night and the past few months probably, and felt the spirit leading me to confess so many wrong thoughts and words and feelings that I've had towards John. He lovingly listened as I cried out to him as I felt so stupid and selfish and proud. Instead of being upset at me for acting so horrible to him, he hugged me, prayed over me, then read me some scripture. WOW. I have the best man on earth!! And in 21 days, he'll be my husband and so much more available to help me stay in line with Christ than he can now. Let's just say I am overly blessed to have someone close to me who cares enough to listen, forgive, encourage, and pray for me at all times no matter how I've treated him. It's things like this that really humble me and challenge me to be more forgiving and selfless like he is. Anyway, so my lesson was.... when in doubt (in times of stress, anxiousness, frustration, etc.)... just pour your heart out to the LORD and confess and repent from your heart. Then, dig into some of God's word (I like the Psalms for times like these). Ahhhh... God is good. :) Keep praying for us though, we have only three weeks to go!

Getting closer...

Less than a month now until the big day!! I am getting so super excited, it's intense. Nine months of being engaged has felt like years honestly, and I advise other couples to keep the engagement as short as possible (within reason of course). People have incessantly been telling me "It'll be here before you know it!" but, I know that it's not yet here, and it's felt like forever since we got engaged. Every day we aren't together still is draining on us and even though the wedding is pretty near now, it's still hard to wait 30 more days. Even my little niece Haley is telling me right now "Where's John? I really miss him. Is he working today? Is he coming over later? I miss John... is he working tomorrow all day too or not?" Haha, it's adorable. My parents usually ask me every day if John's coming over too. My family misses him just like me!

Anyway, sorry I'm kinda sappy and cheesy. There is still a lot of preparing to do before the 17th, so I don't mind that we still have a month, but yeah, can't wait for it to get here and not have to think so much about planning and details all the time. The other day I was driving to my friend's baby shower and I was thinking too hard about favors and missed a really obvious exit. Ooops! Wedding planning can be dangerous too I guess!

Ok, enough outa me as far as wedding stuff goes. I just want to be married, not planning! Perhaps other engaged people understand?

A Necessary Reminder from Above

In a way, it's sad that I am so amazed at the power of God's word, as if I really didn't think it was powerful or trust in God's way of moving through reading his word, so then I am so shocked when it hits me and transforms me. Tonight, John and I were having a rough phone conversation (happens more often than we'd like), and at one point, John gave up on his own way of trying to console me and just opened the word and read from the Psalm that he first saw, Psalm 35. Just hearing God's word immediately calmed me down, dried my tears, brought peace to my spirit. Nothing John could have said could work like that and have such lasting and powerful effects. I guess it's a good thing to be reminded of how faithful God is to work through his written Word, and I'm glad that our pastor who is marrying us (David Livingston for those from BBC) gave us the necessary reminder/idea to simply speak God's word when we know that our words aren't sufficient, because HIS always are.

Being engaged is so.... confusing. We're supposed to be preparing for marriage, yet we really can't know or think too much about being married because we're not. Or something. Ugh, it's just very frustrating. I wish there were more good Christian books out there that dealt with the stage of engagement. It seems that most are about dating/courting or else marriage. At least engagement isn't too long, for us it's about 9 months, but lately I wished it was much less time. Then again, there is a ton to do to plan our wedding and also John and I need this time to prayerfully prepare for joining together in the Covenant of marriage. It's no light thing! What's interesting is that people are so excited and happy for me and John getting married, but some of those excited people are also people who say they will never marry and don't see the point in getting married. So why are they so excited for me? I suppose it's just because they know that I'm happy and will, Lord willing, have a joyful and enjoyable life with John by my side. It breaks my heart how the world is so infused with horrible lies about marriage, but that's because to the world, the gospel is folly, and since marriage parallels with Christ and the church (which the world doesn't understand), it's no wonder marriage is not understood either. Satan is so clever, but man am I glad that he is a LOSER! I really need to pray more for the world, for those close to me who are so far from God and living a frustrating life of lies (trust me, I can see how frustrated and confused they are with how they live and deal with life's problems). I really really look forward to when John is my closest neighbor, the closest person to me in life, because he inspires me, encourages me, supports me, rebukes me, loves me, and always points me to Christ, which is the very thing I need. Being in a home that doesn't welcome a radical Christ exulting faith, that doesn't even think about our Lord, the maker of all things, the very Being that has brought us life, can be so draining and discouraging...

This is such a rambling post, but oh well, that's how I normally process my thoughts - I ramble.

ni hao!

Well, here I am again, starting yet another blog. I think over the past 10 or so years I have had at least five. I feel that at this point in my life, things are changing so rapidly, and since I type much faster than I handwrite, and I hate not being able to write my thoughts as fast as I think them, I suppose a new blog is in order. I was also inspired by a few of my friends from Bethlehem and the encouraging blogs they have, so I thought this would be another nifty way to connect with them and have mutual upbuilding. :) And, as I said, things are definitely in major transition for me at this point in my life. For those who may not know, I am engaged and will be married to the amazing John Hansen in only a month and a half, August 17th, 2007. :D Wedding planning is nuts, mostly because of my nuts-o family who has never planned anything of this magnitude before, but I am enjoying it as best as I can. There is just SO much that goes into planning the big day. I want our wedding to be beautiful and reflect the amazing unifying power of our Lord who is uniting John and I in the holy covenant of marriage. It's no light matter, so I want our wedding to reflect that, while not dabbling into the worldly over-the-top materialistic side of weddings. It's sometimes a tricky balance.

Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself! This was only supposed to be my "hello!" blog. (By the way, ni hao means hello in Chinese. I took Chinese for 9 years and I miss it...). Well here I go now, time to dig into some meaty sanctifying books... :)